I just really, really feel lonely these days. No one can do anything about it. I've been on a 3-day trip with 30 other students...there was someone around me all the time (and by this, I literally mean Non-Stop!), mostly my friends, but still.
On the 2nd day I thought I wouldn't be able to get through the day without crying & freaking out. But somehow, I finally got home.
I didn't want anything else but to be left alone with myself and with my own weird thoughts; to lock the door of my room and never get out...
Now that you know how I've felt lately: The perks of being a wallflower. I didn't really know what it was all about, but I had to admit that it was just the right movie for me, especially in that kind of mood. I've been just sitting here for about 1,5 hour and watching the screen with all my devotion.
I honestly don't know if I could write down exactly what I'm feeling right now, but I decided that I wouldn't even try. It's just not that kind of thing you can explain to someone...to anyone.
You need to understand how things work out around you; in the world. And it usually takes some time...but anyway, you need to fight yourself through all these things, and meanwhile all you can do is Hope. Hope that it'll end someday.
"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
- Stephen Chbosky; The perks of being a wallflower
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